you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
