I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
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we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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