Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
