You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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