I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
