you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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