i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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