you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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