tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
