Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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