there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
