Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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