I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
