toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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