You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
