Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
