you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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