sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
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nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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