I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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