My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Boobs are out for the taking
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
