How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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