Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That accounts for only three of the penises
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
