NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
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Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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