I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
