I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
