I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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