i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
