I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
