How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
