Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
