I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
