god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
where are my eyebrows?
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