she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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