im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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