nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
