This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Swine flu is the new snow day.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
