I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
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90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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