i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
