Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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