She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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