Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
