I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
