I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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