I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
