Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
