The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
