the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
