apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
