Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
