note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
