Porn is love you can see.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
