i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
