you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
