the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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