Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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