Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
