I think scott just propositioned me for sex
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
