I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I could fuck to npr.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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