you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
