i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
