I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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