you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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