Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize