Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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