thus making me awesome and them whores
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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