hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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