I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
