Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
